Haggling with street side vendors for vegetables, fruits and a host of other products is typical of the Indian market. But what if software too was bought and sold in a similar manner? Well, here is just one scenario that could emerge.

“Get them fresh off the burners! Office suites, word processors, HTML editors, browsers, IM clients, games, Javascript editors! On Blu-Ray, DVDs and CDs. The very latest updates. For all operating systems. Open source. Closed source. Bi Source. Tri Source. Sourceless. Every source. Multiple Character. Characterless! Get it here! Get it here!”

“Hey, hang on! Wait a minute. Got anything new?”

“Good morning, ma’am. Yes, we have new software. This has just come in, keeping in mind the close of the financial year. It is that time when everyone is trying to tie up their accounts. You must see this. It is amazing, contemporary and at a knock-down price.”

“Yes, but I…”

“You don’t need to buy it, ma’am. Just look at its features. It is from the reputed company Jhootham Inc. and is called Balanced Sheet Lyre. It allows you to generate two separate balance sheets, one for your own reference and one for your investors. If you buy a 20-day licence, I will even throw in a plug-in that will let you generate a preview press release based on the investor balance sheet for the business media, complete with photos in .lie format.”

“Um…well, that is interesting, but I will look at something like that later. Right now, I am looking at something for my children, actually. Do you have a simple typing tutor?”

“I have got three, actually. Tip Top Type Tutor, Hip Hop Hype Type and No Typo StereoType. All with their own special effects, lessons and tests. You can have them for weekly, fortnightly or monthly licences.”

“It’s a bit confusing…what would you recommend? He is 10 years old.”

“Ma’am, go for Hip Hop Hype Type. It’s a good mix of hit music and education. Like what they call infotainment. Your kid will love it and learn typing in no time at all. Even if he doesn’t, he will at least have a disk with the latest songs on it, all DRM free too!”

“Actually, music might distract him…”

“Well, No Typo Stereotype is a good option then, ma’am. It is very, very academics oriented and even comes with the option of adding a plug-and-play Punisher Cane that will rap the knuckles of the user if he ever makes a typo – for those moments when a scolding is not enough. You can customise the frequency and intensity of the raps, from tap to thump to bash level. The carrot is for knowledge, the cane is the stick. Perfect combo. Take it, ma’am. I will offer a special rate for you.”

“Hmm…how much?”

“Well, ma’am, usually I charge customers USD 9.95 for a 30-day licence and USD 6.95 for the Cane, but as you are my first customer this morning, I will give you both for USD 15.”

“That is too much.”

“Come on, ma’am. I am giving you a very good price. You can go online and check if I am cheating you. If you go to a big store, they will charge at least USD 20 for both!”

“No, no. I don’t have that kind of money for typing software. Give me a 15-day licence. How much is that?”

“USD 5.95, ma’am.”

“All right, and if I want the Cane?”

“No discount then, ma’am. You will have to pay USD 6.95. That is a total of USD 12.90.”

“Can’t you give both for USD 9?”

“What are you saying, ma’am? Developers have sweated for hours writing this code. Look at the cane, ma’am. Perfect metal finish and the polish…”

“…will wear off. I have seen plenty of such stuff in Chor Bazaar.”

“But this is 100 per cent real, ma’am. How can you even compare it with a pirated product? It has got proper documentation and an online activation key, as well as an offline detonator and fertiliser converter for eco-friendly disposal…”

“I have got my own gadget disposal kit, thank you. So that feature is useless. Come on, USD 9.50!”

“Ma’am, USD 12 for both. Please, we all have families to take care of.”

“And I have got a budget to balance. If you cannot give me a good price, I will just go to the supermarket and get something that suits my needs. I take stuff from you because it is convenient to get it right in front of the house.”

“All right, ma’am. USD 11 for both. I cannot go any lower. I am totally cutting out my commission at this price.”

“USD 10, take it or leave it.”

“Ma’am! That’s too low. What will I give to the distributors or developers? Take a 10-day licence then. I..”

“Too bad. Move on, then.”

“Stop, stop, ma’m. You can have them both at USD 10. I will just shrink wrap them for you. Here you go. Do let me know if you have any problems… Good morning, ma’am. Latest software! Get them ‘ere!”